That is my husband to a T. I used to think that it was bad a few years ago but in the last six months I doubt he has been home from work before 6:30. Don't get me wrong I am thankful for his job but it is getting very tiresome on him and myself. I think he is almost at the meltdown point himself. It seems that work is all that surrounds him morning day and night. I feel like our whole lives surround me working, Luke working and then when we come home it is still all about work. I have gotten to the point I do not want to talk about my work or Luke's work or anything related b/c when that happens I feel like that is all we are. How did it get this way? I can tell you one thing I would trade things. I would rather have no money then Luke work all the time and never see him.
It probably is not as bad as it feels right now but I am just exhausted from life and I know Luke is to. I feel like we both need a big getaway to regain some energy for our jobs and also for each other.
It is not only work that is draining us it is trying to have a baby. We got some not terrible but not good news last week about some test results and it is looking more and more like infertility treatments are in our near future. We should know more in a few weeks. I just keep praying for wisdom and patience and contentment. However, sometimes I just do not realize how it is so easy for people to just get pregnant. I feel like it is a impossible feat that just keeps getting more impossible with every new thing thrown our way. Our baby would have been due in three weeks had we not miscarried. Since miscarrying in July never in my wildest dreams did I think I would not be pregnant again by now. Nor did I think that we would get a new curve ball thrown our way every few months.
I was talking to my friend Kelli (who suffered from infertility and now has been blessed with two incredibly sweet babes) about her children and how she appreciates them 100 times more because of what she went through. Not that I don't think mothers don't love their children I know they do, but she said that she never once gets mad about getting up at night or rocking a sick baby b/c she remembers every day what it felt like to just yearn for a baby. So that is what I have been telling myself that God obviously needed to do work in me to prepare me to become a mother. I hope that I am learning!
Hang in there Stephanie! God has big plans for your family I'm sure. You know I have gone through a lot to get Cole here, but as bad as things were I wouldn't change them. I learned a lot through everything and I feel like I'm a better person today because of it. I also feel like I appreciate every second with Cole. Getting up in the middle of the night is a blessing to me. :) I know at this point that God wasn't ready to give me a baby until I learned patience. I have come a long way in the last few years. You will learn a lot about yourself through it all, but it's so worth it in the end. If you ever need to talk about things you can message me!
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