Remember as a kid when you had these romantic ideas about running away? The funny thing is that as you get to be an adult sometimes that idea pops up over and over in hard situations. Just like as a kid when the plan is being thought out very quickly you realize hmmm if I actually run away how exactly do I get to where I am going and what happens after dark? Most of the time that realization makes you squash the fantasy and it’s over. I am not even sure you even take into account all the other factors or money, food, safety and shelter.
As an adult those same fantasy’s get squashed even when money, food and shelter could all be technically worked out. The one thing that holds is here is our people. The relationships we have formed and the fear of hurting the ones we love even more.
Ok clarification, no one is running away. The thought of running away not in a physical way but emotional way has been floating around in my head for a bit. How many times have I actually “ran away”? Well let’s just put it this way I am basically a professional runway. I have done it in so many areas of my life it’s not even funny.
I love to run away from any and every hard thing that crosses my path. Weather that be conflict, relationships, school, exercise, dreams, failures and myself.
The funny thing about running away is that no matter what you do or where you go that baggage is attached to you like super glue until you actually do the work and use the right tools to get that crap off.
I think about fear all the time. Like seriously all the time. My life used to be dictated by said fear. You name it I was afraid of it. And honestly it is a constant player in my brain everyday.
Fear of being known. Fear of being not known. Fear of failure. Fear of letting go. Fear of new things. Fear of hard. Fear of never reaching the finish line. Fear of love. Fear of singleness. Fear of being lonely. Fear of never “being lonely”. Fear of the past. Fear of the future. Fear of not making a difference. Fear of being a bad mom, daughter,sister, friend. Fear of change and also fear of not changing. Fear of peoples perception of me. Fear of standing up for myself. That list didn’t include, night, skydiving,spiders ect. Oye vey.
All that fear wrapped up in one body is a whole lot of fear I have to battle every day. No wonder I want to “run away” at times.
The other day someone said to me and I quote “seriously Stephanie people are afraid of you.... even if they are not friends with you they know about your wrath”. I literally laughed out loud. For the girl who is afraid of everything it is comical that someone would think that I was intimidating and wrathful. This comment was hurtful, maybe it’s true maybe it isn’t. Not going to lie I cried a few tears, stewed on it for days and wanted to “run away”. However running away doesn’t erase anything. That was still said and my mind will be real willing to remind me of this.
So what is the flip side of this fear thing and running away? Well I am not a pro and have a forever long journey in front of me but it boils down to this.
BEING BRAVE
Brave to accept the things I can not change.Brave to do hard things even when I feel like I can’t. Brave to be the real me even when someone may not like it. Brave to recognize truth no matter what it looks like. Brave to love and be loved. Brave to be fully known.
You know what fear really is?? It is our comical attempt to stay in control. Fear is the disillusion idea that if we worry or run away from something then what actually is, is not.
Being Brave is letting go of that fear. Being Brave actually gives us the opportunity to grow into the very best versions of ourselves.
I wrote a blog months and months ago about choosing joy. And it’s funny to me that I am now pep talking myself about being brave. So cheers to all this choosing and choosing Brave today.
