Unapologetic: to be unwilling to apologize for your feelings
Have you ever thought what it would be like to give unapologetic love to your relationships in your life? I am not talking about a relationship where you hurt the other person and refuse to see your wrongs and apologize. I am talking about the kind of love where you are unashamed to give someone love no matter how they treat you, how they “try” to make you feel, or how hard it may seem.
There is a fine line here that needs to be addressed, boundaries. Boundaries in any relationship with friends, family, relationships eat need to be present. However, what would it look like to be unashamed of how you felt about another person? How did we get to be a culture that is afraid to show someone how we feel about them? How did we become a society that feels ashamed to care about someone’s feelings out of the fear of them thinking we are creepy? When did loving someone become such a bad thing? Loving someone is NEVER a bad thing as long as we are able to identify the boundaries needed within each relationship.
When I was going through my divorce I had so much shame associated with the idea I was still in love or loved someone who didn’t feel the same about me anymore. I literally beat myself up over this idea. Thankfully over time that love I had for my spouse has changed. While I may not be “in love” with him anymore thank goodness, I will always still care(love) for him. I will never feel ashamed to love the father of my child. Loving someone or caring about them is NEVER a bad thing no matter what they did to you or how much they hurt you. Lack of Boundaries = BAD, Loving = Good!!!
This idea of unapologetic love correlates so much to our identity and self-worth. When shame is brought into the mix our self-worth and identity is shaken. When we feel shame for loving someone, most of the times that means that we are not loving ourselves either. When we are healthy the idea of telling or showing someone how much they mean to you will make you feel powerful. Think about it, how much self-worth do you think you have to have to love someone who doesn’t love you. How confident are you to tell someone how you feel when you are unsure if that will be reciprocated?
I want to be unapologetic in how I love people. I don’t want to feel shame, feel like I have to say sorry or try and change who I am just because someone else is not able to accept what I have to offer. I want to be known as someone who loved fiercely not someone who was afraid to do just that.
· ACCEPT LOVE: Recognizing that not everyone is like us and may not fit in the box we define as normal. They may be a ball of mess in a way that makes you uncomfortable but so are we right? It is slightly ridiculous we can’t see beyond ourselves and accept each other just as they are and the love they are willing to give. I mean who in world has too many friends or has too many people who truly care about them. That is silly, we are made for community!! Don’t tell me you have too many friends or people that love you. And if you are one of those people who doesn’t feel worthy of someone’s love, how about you stop assuming and let the other person decide that for themselves.
· BE HONEST – If something hinders you or a relationship then it needs to be said. The reality is that some people should not have access to your life and when this is recognized honesty and new boundaries has to happen. Those uncomfortable conversations need to take place to redefine the relationship whatever that may be.
· BE BRAVE – Brave to be yourself and not worry if someone likes you or doesn’t like you. Be willing to hold your head high and give of yourself fully knowing that not everyone has the capacity to accept what you have to offer but it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.
· BE REAL – Be you no matter what. Give love freely. Stop apologizing to them and stop beating yourself up for caring. Instead be proud that you know how to love unapologetically.
“ My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.” John 15: 12-13
love unapologetically
