Two of my best friends are getting married within the next six weeks. Both will be their second weddings and for both this second chance is oh so sweet because they have been brave enough to let love in again. And that my friends is one of the hardest things to do. In a perfect world I would hope for a fairytale ending for both of them BUT life is not perfect and the older I get the more I desire for the complete opposite. I want real and raw and a life of full acceptance over that perfect storybook fairytale. So that is what I am hoping and praying for them both. Life is beautiful and WEIRD!!!
Caught up on Grey’s last night. I had a whole two episodes that were taped and not watched. The last couple of weeks I have been in survival mode barely keeping myself together. The magnitude of that hit me last night when I realized I had some real good TV trash to catch up on. Here is what really blew up my marbles. At the end of the last episode Amelia and her mom are sitting together on a bench and something along this convo was exchanged.
"It’s ok to blame our parents for not being there for us during loss, love, and failure but it is on US to not be able to move forward from that".
I mean ok Grey’s thank you for the incredible nugget of common sense that I am sure I have been seeking from counselors for years. A 30 second clip has just tore me up. Again life is beyond weird!!!
(Side note: I have awesome parents who have been there but a lot of those I love dearly have not)
Turned 33 a couple months ago and after many discussions and personality tests with my sister Meg. I think we have finally settled on me being a 2 on the Ennegram. Do you know your number? You should, crazy what this stupid number teaches you about yourself. Funny how we have lived with ourselves day in and day out from the beginning and we need to find our number to fully be able to grasp why we actually do the things we do? Again weird..... that thing called life.
Do you know that a kid can go to a park and have a new best friend within like 5 minutes? They run and play and everything in their world is perfect. Somehow on a wooden playground social status, rank or class has not been established and what is left is just another sweaty dirty kid willing to chase you through a maze of wood for hours. At what point in life does this stop? You don’t see the adults at the park hugging new friends they have made at the end of an hour of play. Why? Let’s be honest if I were to hug the women sitting next to me that I don’t know and call her my new best friend she very well might think I was mental and bee line it out of that park as fast as possible. Y’all life is WEIRD!!!
I get a little obsessive about songs. Songs for me represent every moment of my life. I might not remember stories about events that have happened. But I will remember my life and then piece together events by my favorite songs I have associated with that time. Since this is a random list of weird here is an example. I have a designated song for every boyfriend or crush I have ever had. Totally not intentional just like certain songs are tied to certain people and if those songs come on I instantly think of that person. I should really make a "boyfriend" playlist bc there are some goodies including: Burn, Sorry Ms. Jackson, What’s your fantasy?, What if, you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling and Hurricane to name a few. Yep life and myself a bit weird.
How about this one......first day of class this semester I walked in and one of my swimmers I coached at Urbana was sitting in Bio 122 . Not to mention a handful of others I see walking around the campus. I am old they are babies. Shoot I have a "baby" which makes me someone’s MOM. Am I really old enough to be in charge of raising and shaping another human being? Probably not and that is scary. Also I realized my kid exclusively now calls my man instead of mama and I guess that makes her not a baby anymore(Insert hysterical tears). Life = weird.
Okay last thing. I got a ticket yesterday. The cop was sitting at the fire station of our neighborhood. I have not had a ticket since I was 18 years old and I go and get a random ticket yesterday. Life is WEIRD AF. Sorry not sorry to those that just got offended by the AF. Also I don’t even really understand that saying it doesn’t make tons of sense. But as Cardi B says okurrr. If you have never seen the Pepsi commercial or the 1000 other times she uses this do yourself a favor and use the google bc yep it’s funny and weird!!
So yes the USHER playlist is in full swing while I am over here trying to work out a hundred different thoughts and feelings about my life. Ben Rector has a line in one of his songs that says:
"like a river connects to the ocean
this pavement touches wherever we go white lines flyin by
who knows what will find
let’s drive"
And while this song has a slightly different meaning and doesn’t wrap up this blog post in a neat bow it is in fact been on repeat lately and feels super accurate with my scattered thoughts and feelings. Not a huge fan of the peace, love and happiness sign off so here’s my version. :)
Hearts, Flowers and Real,
- Steph
* Oh and my sisters all tell my how terrible my spelling and grammar is. And why I wish I could blame that all on the fact I quickly type up posts in my notes on my phone with my right thumb. It is in fact the combo of poor grammar, thumbing typing and the lack of care to be perfect in this area. Isn’t the first step of change the ability to point out and accept your weakness????
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