AWKWARD

So yesterday I walked into the office carrying a salad I brought for lunch. my dad and Chris were sitting at the table. Here is what happened next:

Dad: Are you on a diet?

Me: Why do you ask is it because I brought a salad?

Dad: yes

Me: Oh no I am just trying to eat so I do not get grouchy around noon.

Dad: Well gotta stay healthy so your are ovulating. Chris do you know about ovulation?

Me: Kind of awkward Dad!

I am pretty used to my dad and usually do not get embarrassed but I will admit this made me red. I mean yes everyone knows that I would like to ovulate b/c that = child but this defiantly made me laugh.

All I can say is AWKWARD!! :)

Lost Relationships

Tonight I have been sitting here so sad for some of my dear friends from high school. The last few days have been ones that no one our age should have to go through. I have had them on my heart wishing that I could do anything to ease their pain of the loss of their father.

I have also felt so sad about the relationships that I have let disappear. I would defiantly change the way I let things dissipate. Our lives have taken us different places and it is/was hard to stay in touch. Now I sit here with the ache of this friendship loss. I know that it seems like it should be easy to extend the olive branch But time is the enemy here and I have let that become my easy way out. I am sure I have hurt them for not trying years ago.

Oh dear friends I am so sorry you have to go through this awful time. I am sorry I have not tried to and been a bad friend! I think about you both often and miss your friendship. I am sorry I have let my insecurities get in the way of rectifying the wrong. I love you both and am praying for you daily!

Our purpose on this earth is to love God and love People. I want to do better at both!

3 Months

3 months ago today was my miscarriage. It is funny at the type of grieving you go through. I think the first month I was sad at the drop of a hat. Then I became scared to think about getting pregnant again. Now I am defiantly ready to be pregnant again.

 It has been super frustrating the last few months because I go through a emotional roller coaster of temping, charting, peeing on ovulation tests, having cyst that rupture, not getting my period  You name it when it comes to my overies and eggs I have been a mess. I know that God is trying to teach me patience it is just plain hard. This month I have been so stressed that I know it has not been good for my body so I am really hoping that October is our month or health eating, healthy stress, healthy overies and eggs.  

I have always wanted to be a mom and I know that hundreds of people struggle with infertility and pregnancy loss but for some reason you never think you will fall in that same boat. I mean  it seems like everyone I know has a baby. Okay retraction not everyone actually maybe only half but their really has been alot. The realty is I have a really great family, a awesome job, good friends and an incredible hubby. Just praying that God has a special little babe in our future soon because we could not be more excited for one!

THE Rag

This is not a Facebook link worthy post mostly because I am sure it would make some dudes uncomfortable. :)

I can't remember when I first heard about "The Rag" I think it may have been from Laura in our old church bathroom. I remember thinking that it sounded so much groser then the word period. Honestly it really was. 

The phrase " on the rag" originated sometime during the late 19th to early 20th century. When a women was menstruating she was "on the rag" a phrase that literally described the way women of the day protected themselves from leaking down their legs. (Gross) Basically women had a supply of not only "that time of the month underwear" but  supply of rags they would layer together depending on the protection needed then use clothes pens to attach these pens to their undies. 

 I mean can you even imagine? I would hate having to wear pads let alone layers of rags. It is bad enough to have to be "on the rag" then to actually have to sit on rags haha.. Sometimes I think that our society has become way to advanced but in this area I think we are right where we need to be!! All I can say is thank you Playtex!!!

O is for....

• October: I pretty much dig this month because the leaves are changing. The weather is cooler. Apple cider and doughnuts are in high demand and Christmas shopping is oh so near.
• Optimistic: Funny how I tell myself that I will choose this approach to life but.... lets be honest I struggle.
• Over It: Kind of cheating I know but I am 100% OVER preparing for our sales tax audit at work.
• Ovulation: This single word is what my brain obsesses about all the time! 
• Obsess: Over Ovulation (Do I get bonus points for having a triple "O"?) :)
• Oblong: One of those words that is in my top ten most weird words. Say it 10 times fast and then 10 times slow if you do not agree. 
• Ocean: My rents just got back from Hawaii and all I have been able to do after looking at their pictures is dream about the Big Blue Waters.
• OLD: My birthday is coming up in the next few months and that is what I am starting to feel. For those of you who are going to say well wait till you are ____. I am sure I will feel more then old I am sure I will feel ANCIENT! HAHA
• Oyster: Never tried one and never will. YUCK
• Oasis: 10:45am service at First Christian Church in Champaign on Sunday. 
• OWL: Defiantly the new trend. I love love love anything with Owls!
• ODOR: I have a very sensitive sniffer and being married to a dude causes my sensor to be on overload most of the time. 

Happy Monday!

Insomnia

Last night I went to bed around 12:30am only to wake up wide awake at 3:45am. I guess my mind was racing and could not shut off but who knows. I tried counting backwords from 100 by 3's. I tried going and getting a glass of water. I turned down the air in the house. I woke Luke up three times telling him I could not sleep(not sure if I thought he was going to wake up and have a convo with me or what). I watched the latest episode of Castle. I went downstairs and folded a load of laundry. Nothing helped at all. By 5:15am I gave up and got up for good. I took a shower, blow dryed my hair and did a little research on the cause of insomnia. True to my WEBMD addiction here is what WEBMD said: 

Insomnia is a sleep disorder that is characterized by difficulty falling and/or staying asleep. People with insomnia have one or more of the following symptoms:

• Difficulty falling asleep
• Waking up often during the night and having trouble going back to sleep
• Waking up too early in the morning
• Feeling tired upon waking

Causes of Insomnia

Causes of acute insomnia can include:

• Significant life stress (job loss or change, death of a loved one, divorce, moving). <Parents On VaCA?
• Illness.
• Emotional or physical discomfort.
• Environmental factors like noise, light, or extreme temperatures (hot or cold) that interfere with sleep.
• Some medications (for example those used to treat colds, allergies, depression,high blood pressure, and asthma) may interfere with sleep.
• Interferences in normal sleep schedule (jet lag or switching from a day to night shift, for example).

Causes of chronic insomnia include:

• Depression and/or anxiety. <YES I AM ANXIOUS SALES TAX AUDIT ON TUESDAY>
• Chronic stress. <SEE ABOVE>
• Pain or discomfort at night. <Back, Neck & Sciatic>

Symptoms of Insomnia

Symptoms of insomnia can include:

• Sleepiness during the day. <YES>
• General tiredness. <YES>
• Irritability.<YES>
• Problems with concentration or memory

Spoiled

Bentley is super spoiled. But that is what happens when your family does not have any babies around your dog becomes your baby. Since Bent is on vacation at Luke and I's house while my rents are gone, I decided he needed a new toy so he would not be sad.  This is the ultimate dog toy ever made. It does not contain any stuffing, it is approx. 10 inches long and contains 19 squeakers. Bentley loves Squeak toys so you can imagine what he thought of this toy. Just in case you were wondering if he liked the toy or not you can judge for your self. 

Home Alone

I hate being home alone all night long by myself!! I mean really hate it. Usually if Luke is out of town I go and stay at my parents. Or I have my best friend Laura stay with me or one of my sisters. Well this week I had to stay by myself two nights in a row while Luke was away on "business".  Mom and Dad are in Hawaii, Laura moved to Texas, Erica moved to Wisconsin, and Meg moved to College at ONU so that left me and Bentley. To prepare for my nights at home alone here was my list of to-dos before retiring for the night:

1. Make sure all the windows were locked tight
2. Close all the blinds before sundown
3. Take Bent on a walk(During Daylight) and make him do his thing so he only has to go out for 5 minutes or less before bedtime. 
4. Cover the window to the porch
5. Cover up the egress window downstairs
6. Leave porch light on
7. Lock bedroom door at night
8. Take Tylenol PM(So I do not have a hard time falling asleep)
9. Turn on a hour long tv show on the computer
10. Turn fan on
11. Vow that I will never again watch Criminal Minds EVER!!

I am glad to say I made it through the last two nights and  I am sitting here patiently waiting for my hubby to get home. :)